Every person I know struggles with something, and most have recurrent issues... you know what I'm talking about. Those feelings or obstacles that keep coming up even when you think you've gotten beyond them. Inadequacy is one of those deep seeded issues for me.
When I was a kid, I had some issues that in my own mind at the time made me unlovable. I had buck teeth, unruly curly hair, knobby knees and was painfully shy. I got teased relentlessly for a couple years in elementary school on the bus and it's taken a long time to believe God's whispers in my ear over satan's shouting lies. Satan mocks me with, "You are ugly, awkward and have nothing to say that anyone would want to hear". It's easy to believe because I bought into it for so long. But God says, "You are exactly who I created you to be, and in my eyes you are beautiful (Psalm 139: 13-16). You are my child, a princess as I am the King (John 1: 12-13). If I am for you, why do you worry so much about what others think?" (Romans 8:28-31) When I really let these verses settle in my heart and use my spiritual ears to hear the truth of God, I believe it's true.
Satan knows my point of weakness and often tries new tactics to keep me quiet. Guilt tied to the unlovable in me is another twist on a theme. Lately I have had to trust God's voice, when satan has said, "You should have been a better mom to Grace. You got frustrated with her too easily. You didn't say enough to help her deal with fear and sadness and anger. Just because she didn't show it doesn't mean she didn't feel it. You should have tried harder to find the right answer to curing her cancer... You could have done more..." Would have, should have, could have. If I entertain these thoughts as truth for even a few minutes the weight of them crushes me. It breaks my heart and tears fall in waterfall fashion.
I pray for God to help me see His truth from the lies. If I believe the lies I go back to my buck teeth... I feel unlovable, unworthy and useless. God's truth whispers I did everything I knew how to as Grace's mom. I didn't do it perfectly, but I did it well. This is not the end of this issue for me I'm sure... but it is a start in getting beyond the unlovable.